A moment.

Time? There is NONE!  I just don’t understand how people have multiple children and get anything done.  Am I missing something here?  Is there a secret and everyone is just laughing as they watch us try to juggle life?

The to-do list is a mile long and I’m feeling like it will NEVER be completed.  I told my husband that if I ever complain about being bored, he can slap me upside the head.  I can’t wait for the day when I have NOTHING to do (I’m sure these words will come back to haunt me, I hope).

Our schedule goes something like this…my husband wakes up with H1, anywhere between 5:30-6:30, he sets him up with breakfast #1 and starts responding to emails.  H2 and I get up between 6:30-7, I feed him and sprint for the coffee machine.  Hubby gets ready for work while the kids and I snuggle and watch an episode of Blaze and the Monster Machines.  Then H1 and I shower while H2 sits in the rock and play (this is for the safety of H2, H1 is a bit unpredictable), I get dressed, then help dress H1 (he picks out his shirt, I get to pick out his shorts, and then I painfully watch him as he tries to dress himself), we make breakfast #2 together, maybe spend 15 minutes playing, and then load up for preschool drop-off.

I put H2 down for a nap when we get home (30 minutes max.), which allows enough time for me to eat breakfast and pick up the house, and then H2 is up and ready to eat again and needs some 1:1 attention from mommy.  All of a sudden it’s 11:30 and time for me to make H1’s lunch and head out for pick-up.  We get home, eat lunch, H2 goes down for another nap and H1 and I spend some 1:1 time together.  Depending on H2’s nap, we typically take off in the car for a ride so that H1 will crash in the car and then I transfer him to his bed for a 1.5-2 hour nap (yes the car is our sleep crutch, I’m not giving it up).  Some days, their naps overlap 20-30 minutes so I have just enough time to work on a blog post or dōTERRA biz before H2 wakes up.  H2 is now ready to eat again and needs mommy’s attention.  Quickly following, H1 is up and it’s time for snack, a show, and then outside to run about and explore.  Dad gets home around 6, takes over with H1 and I feed and bathe H2 and put him down at 7.  Then time to make dinner!  We eat and play with H1, then get him in bed by 8:30 in hopes he is asleep by 9.  Hubby and I stare at each other in utter disbelief, chat about our days, watch an episode of something, or sometimes just go straight to bed so that we can start all over again tomorrow (or at midnight because let’s be honest, both kids still wake up multiple times a night).

Holy Hell this life is exhausting.  Yes, there is joy, yes, we love our kids and are grateful for them and the many blessings we have, but my goodness when does this get easier?!?!  We are in straight up survival mode every day.

I know we are not alone in this.  Though, why does it seem that most parents are so darn organized and put together, while I’m over here with my shirt on inside out, spit up all over my jeans, and fingernail paint still dotted on my nails from 3 months ago?  I find myself reciting “This too shall pass” almost hourly.  Can I get an amen?!?!

This phrase continues to appear in my life over and over so I thought I would share my thoughts on the subject.

I mentioned in a previous post that when discussing the epidural with my OB, he said that my pain is my pain.  He doesn’t know what it feels like for me when I’m dilated to a 2 verses a 6.  Everyone has different pain tolerances and thresholds, which is true in all aspects of our lives.

It is important to put things in perspective.  Maybe you are having a bad day…your toddler flushed your toothbrush down the toilet, your getting sick and have a long to-do list.  Take a step back and remind yourself that it’s really not that bad….there are people out there that are truly suffering and tomorrow is a new day for you, but not for others.  Ok ok ok, I know we all  try to do this when we can look outside of ourselves, but sometimes, we just need to vent or complain about things in our lives and shouldn’t have to feel guilty for it.

Personally, venting to friends and family releases that built up muck, and sometimes I even let loose on social media (gasp!) in hopes that some of my friends will know that they aren’t alone.  Commiserating together is so much better than being alone in your head. Many people feel irritated with those that complain about “trivial circumstances” in comparison to their own, but I encourage those to try and understand that unless you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel what they feel, there should be no judgement.  Everyone has challenges in their lives, so let’s give each other a break and let one another have a good rant without throwing the “who has it worse” card. Let’s be gracious…or try to be.

The bags…oh the bags

I miss you more than you could ever know.  You are one of the most important things in my life and I regret that I did not express my appreciation for you enough in my youth.  We were inseparable in my younger years when I could spend every night with you and even an occasional afternoon.  Some of my greatest memories of us together were when I was in in my teen years and would spend time with you on the couch while my dad watched football.  Fast-forward to my early to mid 20’s when I was living in San Francisco….I would wake up at 10am on a Sunday, eat some brunch, pound a few blood mary’s, return to you for the rest of the day, eat dinner, and jump right back in bed to see you again for the rest of the night.  It was glorious.   We could spend a straight 8-10 hours together, uninterrupted, and never get sick of each other.  I’ve never felt as close to you as I did then.  

We had a rough patch in my college years….those early morning study sessions before exams, an insane volleyball schedule and 8am classes were rough on us, but we got through it.   I knew we’d hit another rough patch down the road, but I had no idea that things would get this bad.

October 2012 (H1 was conceived) was the beginning of the end, and it continues to get worse and worse by the day.  I am often shocked that I have survived this long without you in my life.  I pray every day that you will return to me.  I know in my heart of hearts that you will come back and give me some relief so I can feel like a human being again.   Until then, I will rely on my morning coffee, dōTERRA lifelong vitality pack, and the random nights that you decide to grace me with your presence for 8 hours straight.  I have faith in us.

This blog post has been in process for approximately 3 months.  One day, I will figure out how to take care of my family and focus on some other things I love to do as well, but for now, I am still trying to find my equilibrium.  Thanks for your patience!

Success!  H2 was born on April 9th at 3:44 p.m., measuring in at 8 pounds, 3 ounces, and 20 inches long.  He’s a beauty.  We went in for an induction at 7am, water was popped (not a pleasant experience), contractions began during a game of Rummy (we only had time for 1 game), and as soon as I felt the first gut wrenching, want to pull your hair out, minute and half contraction, I said I was ready for the epidural.  Luckily I was at a 5 and already half way there, hallelujah!  The contractions began rolling in quickly and intensely (some definite animal sounds escaped from somewhere within).  The anesthesiologist came within 10 minutes and started the epidural process.  35 minutes later, the pain subsided, and I was one happy camper!  Miracle drug.  After a few pushes and about 15 minutes, I pulled H2 out onto my chest and gushed with happiness at the sight of my tiny little 8 pound baby.  It was just as incredible this time as it was the last…the miracle of life.

Our 2 year old came to the hospital and was so excited to see his new baby brother.  The first meeting went better than expected (thanks to nana, grandpa, and TT).  Though, the first day home, sh** hit the fan and H2 got smacked upside the head (yes, I balled my eyes out uncontrollably….hormones).  H1 just isn’t quite sure what to do with all of his intense emotions.  I’ve been told to never leave the kids alone in a room together until the little one can run from the bigger one.  Duly noted. We had a few episodes in the following days, but the dust has settled and it is as if H1 doesn’t even remember life before H2, what a relief.

My recovery was much quicker this time around and I’m feeling pretty great physically.  Mentally, I’m out of sorts.  Even though H2 has been a gem, the sleep deprivation is still rough and I’m confused as to how I am going to find time for my husband along with a little ME time.  It seems all of my energy is spent on H1, H2, and the to do list.  There really aren’t enough hours in the day.

Life has been crazy (hence the lack of recent posts).  The day we got home from the hospital, we put an offer on a house, which was accepted and we moved into the new home on Memorial weekend (thanks to our amazing family, friends and neighbors).

One day, this house will be unpacked, and furnished appropriately, but until then, please excuse the mess and empty walls…being a mom of 2 has and will take priority.  The new home is awesome and a win win for my husband and I.  We are basically in town, but it feels like the country.  I see a sweet treehouse in the boys’ future.

I’ve learned a lot of important lessons in the last 5 months

1. It takes a village, so lean on family and friends.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help because your people will be happy to pitch in
2. Accept any and all meals
3. Lay the baby down awake right off the bat so they learn to put themselves to sleep
4. Naps are essential in the first few weeks
5. Get rid of your crap, simplify
6. Hire movers (we didn’t)
7. Pay someone else to clean your house after you move, it’s worth every penny
8. Great neighbors are a blessing
9. Lower expectations, and then lower again, and then you will be pleased with the results
10. Find the humor, even when it’s clearly not funny
11. Kids are always watching and taking everything in, watch yourself
12. No one is perfect
13. Everything is negotiable
14. You are capable of a lot more than you think you are
15. Buy the home warranty
16. Inspect every inch of your new home before you put an offer in, don’t trust the actual inspectors
17. Life is beautiful, but can be really really really hard, so enjoy when it’s not really really really hard

I have a lot of great ideas for blog posts and have gotten some requests for topics, so I hope I can make a date with myself weekly to get them written.  Will do my best.  Happy week all!

We are officially as ready as we’ll ever be for our new bundle to arrive.  The hospital bag is packed and the carseat is in.  I am 38 weeks and 3 days and my parents are on their way to help take care of us all.

I must say it’s very different this time around.  I feel like a veteran even though I’ve only done this once before.  With our first son, we planned a hypnobirthing labor and delivery, and as I mentioned, our expectations were off the charts.  Naturally, nothing went as expected, my contractions were intense from the get-go, lasting longer with smaller breaks than I thought possible, I was only 4cm dilated when I got to the hospital, which is when I quickly realized I needed an epidural stat(this is when the birth preference sheet went out the window).  We had this whole plan of breathing through the “surges”, playing calm music with the lights dimmed, taking a shower to relax, etc. etc.  The videos in our birthing class displayed these women smiling and breathing calmly as they were nearing transition, so I thought, hey, I’m pretty tough, I can totally do totally do this naturally.

Last weekend as a family of 3

Boy am I glad I decided to go for that epidural!  My son was 9 pounds 5 oz and had the cord wrapped around his neck twice.  Without going into too much detail, they had to yank him out quickly, needless to say, my recovery was ROUGH.  Based on my results, I was happy I made the choice to get the epidural and plan on making the same choice this time around, as long as we have time.  I have learned that there is no right or wrong and everyone’s pain is their own. Bottom line, the female body is absolutely incredible, and it doesn’t matter how you get your sweet package at the end.

I’m going into this thing with low expectations, and hoping and praying that our son takes on the big brother role like a champ.  We plan to take each moment as it comes and love love love.

I will most definitely blog about the results and promise to share it all.  For now, please send positive vibes, prayers, thoughts (or whatever you dig) to our family as we welcome our new baby boy into this life.

My aunt in her happy place.

Last fall I was having dinner with my brother, his wife, and our good friend from Seattle.  This friend is one of those guys who makes you laugh until your stomach hurts and always offers fantastic insights on life with brutal honesty.   Everyone needs these types of people in their life…someone that will lay it all out there, with no sugar coating.

I was giving my life update and describing my world as a stay at home mom and some of the struggles that go along with that, and he stopped me abruptly and said, “what would you change about your life?”  Such a simple question that I never considered.  I sat there with a puzzled look on my face and after sitting in silence for a minute, I said “absolutely nothing. There are small tweaks that I am making, but overall, nothing.”   I had been feeling like I wanted to have a project of my own and to be able to financially contribute to our family in some way, and was working on some projects.  I had been struggling with my sons 2 year old self and was taking steps to get him assessed.  I was working with an architect to design the remodel for our house.  I was talking to my husband about his job and daily frustrations so the communication was open and clear.  Basically, I was being proactive in making my life, the best life, and taking action to change the things that needed to be changed.  That question made me realize that I am actually really happy and didn’t even realize I was doing all of the right things to get me there (I am definitely tooting my own horn here, which in my opinion, we are allowed to do every once in a while).

Now, don’t get me wrong, my husband and child contribute to my happiness in a very big way.  On the flip side, when they are not happy, it is impossible for me not to carry that burden within.  However, these are just moments that pass, I am talking about my core happiness, when taking a step back, and reflecting on my life as a whole.

I think some of us get so focused on the things we don’t have or are wishing for something a little different, and forget that we are solely responsible for making ourselves happy, and should not rely on anyone else to do that for us.  If you want change, make it happen.   Sometimes, it’s just that easy.  Take charge!

Bodega Bay Getaway

I read an article somewhere a few weeks ago and this line completely resonated with me…Fill up your cup!  Some of us have guilt or even feel selfish when we do things for ourselves, when there is so much that needs to be done for our families.  The reality is that we all need a little break from the action to feel rejuvenated and to be better partners and parents.  When my husband and I start to feel bogged down by the pressures of life, we typically recognize each others need for a break and recommend either some time away together, a golf day for him, a massage for me, or even a getaway separately with our own friends.  This has been essential in our lives.

With our new little guys due date quickly approaching and our son’s recent tantrum antics, we both felt the need to have one last hoorah before our lives take a drastic turn from one child to 2.  For me, this was getting a nice hotel with a girl friend for a few nights, napping, eating, vegging in front of the fire place, and watching Bravo.  For him, it is partying like a rockstar in Vegas with his buddies for the weekend (sleep is obviously way more important to me than him :)).

So…fill up your cup (and maybe recommend your partner do the same).  Do something for yourself whenever you can fit it in.  Maybe it’s something as simple as going on a peaceful walk by yourself every week, or maybe you get 1 weekend away a year to do as  you choose (without guilt from your spouse upon your return).  Think about what makes you feel happy and fulfilled and treat yourself.  We all need to hit the reset button sometimes.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the line, “oh enjoy this time, it goes by so fast.”  I’m certain almost every parent has said this to someone with younger kids at some point.  These song lyrics by Trace Adkins get me every time,

You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

In our experience, IT DOES NOT GO BY FAST!  This has been the longest 3 years of our lives.  Yes, we have had some amazing experiences and moments with our sweet boy, but it has in no way, shape or form gone by fast.

I remember at the beginning, when I was in extreme pain from a broken tailbone after delivering my 9 pound 5 oz. baby, nursing was almost unbearable for 4 weeks (and he was nursing every 1.5-2 hours for what seemed like forever), and we were mentally and emotionally drained from the whole process of learning how to take care of such a helpless human being.  I remember my mom saying, “just take it one feeding at a time.”  I would dread bedtime because I was SO tired, in a lot of pain and knew that getting a stretch of sleep longer than 2 hours was not in the cards for me.  Then, when I finally got that 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I felt like a new person!  I started to see the light, and then bam, ear infection!  Bam, teething!  Bam, another ear infection! More teeth, flu, sleep regression, more teeth, croup, and on and on and on.  This is the reality of having a child, and boy was I not prepared.  Just when I thought I had finally gotten the hang of it, something changed and I was thrown once again.

This may rub some people the wrong way, but if I’m going to be real, I must say that I never understood why people who have the ability to have children in one way or another, choose not to.  It’s something that I always wanted and thought everyone else should want too.  I now respect and fully understand that choice of leading a life without children.  These people must understand what it takes to be a parent and either don’t think they have it in them or just choose a different lifestyle.  I get it.

That being said, and despite the rough times, I do know that we will never look back and wish we didn’t have children or these experiences.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when my husband and I have looked at each other and said, “wouldn’t it be nice to sell everything and take off to Costa Rica to live the simple life” or “what if we just worked our butts off for 10 more years, retired, and were free for our last 60 years.” I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again….it’s the little moments that make it all worth it…the snuggles, watching him learn new things, the funny phrases he comes up with, and the fact that he is a result of the love my husband and I share.  If we didn’t get any joy back in return from this little guy, I can’t even say that we’d feel differently.  There’s just a bond that exists that is unexplainable.  For example, I cannot wait until he goes to bed at night, then after he finally falls asleep after fighting me for an hour, I miss him.  WTF?!?

When looking back, I’m not convinced that I will miss the day to day with this little toddler, but I do know I will miss the little moments and the fact that he truly needs me.   There will be a day when he won’t want to give me a hug and a kiss goodbye, he won’t need me to tie his shoes and kiss his boo boos, and he most definitely won’t want to snuggle with me on the couch while watching Curious George.  I try to remind myself of these things every day, especially on the days when I’d much rather be in the office than dealing with another epic tantrum.

I’m not sure that I will ever make the statement to someone with a screaming toddler in the grocery store that they should enjoy this time and it goes fast, but I will say, “take it one day at a time and just soak in the good moments whenever they come.”

Some people have it, some people don’t, and some are self-aware and try to be compassionate even if it isn’t in their make-up.  I consider myself a compassionate person.  I can only assume that my upbringing and life experiences with all walks of life have given me this quality.

I’ve been in that stalled Taurus wagon, in the middle of an intersection, while cars were speeding around me honking, and people were flipping me off.  I’ve been to Africa and witnessed the poorest of the poor and the suffering that goes along with it.  I come from humble beginnings and spent my first 9 years sharing a tiny room with my 2 older brothers in a mobile home.  Though we always had what we needed, plenty of food on the table with love overflowing our little home, we didn’t have much extra to take a Hawaiian family vacation or rent a beach house in the summer.   Instead we went camping and took day trips to the lake, which we loved.  My parents were always helping others out even though they didn’t have the means.  Their example has definitely filtered into my life, as well as my brother’s lives.  I find myself feeling sympathetic for those who are broken down on the freeway (and causing traffic like you’ve never seen before) and to the elderly people that have to work at Walmart for one reason or another.  I think that those who are not compassionate have not experienced these types of situations or have a difficult time having perspective.

The other day I took my little guy to the park, which is never an easy task.  As we always do these days, we discussed what would happen if we hit or push anyone at the park and there is an understanding that we have to leave immediately.  Luckily there weren’t many people there, which makes it much easier to manage his shenanigans.  So here I am, 33 weeks pregnant, chasing him around the park, making sure he doesn’t jump off a structure, or worse yet, push someone off of one.  We head to the sand pit and there are toys spread about that someone had left behind, so my son has naturally gathered them all for himself.  We were working on sharing a few with another little girl, which is tricky for him, and here comes a little boy, bee lining it straight towards the pile of sand toys.  Of course, he picks one up and my son screams, “no, mine” and bops him on the head.  The mom is appalled, scoops up her son and says something along the lines of “oh, hell no” and storms off. I can only assume that her little guy gets picked on and this is her way of separating him from a situation or maybe they are home bodies and she doesn’t quite know how to react (let me note that I am at a loss for how to react at least multiple times a day).  If she would have used this as a teaching moment, she could have given her son the words he needed, “no, don’t hit, I don’t like that” or “can I play with a toy” before grabbing it from underneath someone’s nose.  If she would have stayed, my son would have apologized, I would have modeled good behavior so he could learn, and then we would have left the park immediately, just as we often have to do.  We did leave, and then we endured a 45 minute tantrum in the car.  I really needed some compassion from that mother, on that particular day.

I’ve definitely had parents be less than understanding when their kid gets bopped or pushed by my son, and it’s frustrating every time.  Mostly because I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to correct his behaviors and I just want people to try and be COMPASSIONATE.  Not everyone has the kid that is a natural sharer, loves taking turns with others, and is a great listener.  For some kids, every situation is challenging in one way or another, but the only way for them to learn and improve is by experiencing these situations over and over again while their caregivers remain consistent with their discipline tactics.

We have surrounded ourselves with a fantastic group of friends that have children, all of whom have been victims of my sons impulses, and I can truly feel their compassion towards us.  They know that we are trying to figure this out and have remained by our sides, without making us feel shamed.  I am so thankful for these friends and their understanding that we are doing the best we can and one day, we will all be past it, watching our kids play on the playground while we sit on benches, drinking our Starbucks.  That’ll be the day 🙂

As parents, we are all in this together.  For most of us, it is hard, we don’t know if we are doing the right thing, but are trying our best.  So to the woman in the park, “I’m sorry that my son hit your son, I’ve been there before and know that you just want to protect your kiddo, but next time, let’s use this as a teaching moment together, share a laugh about how crazy toddlers are, and have compassion for one another.”

Yep, that’s what you think it is.

Sometimes it is impossible to find humor in a crappy situation or experience (unless you’re my dad and can make people laugh at a funeral).  Getting slapped in the face by your 2 year old,  dealing with insurance companies and incompetent people (currently on hold now while typing this post), your car breaking down…there’s just nothing comical about these happenings.

When you are in the thick of it, it’s so hard to look at the bright side and muster up a good laugh, though these are the times when we need it the most.  It’s important to be able to recognize when we are on the verge and in need of a good belly laugh.  This is when we should go to dinner with that friend that understands us and can give us that gift of extreme sarcasm or tell us a story that gets us rolling on the floor.  It’s incredible how something  so small can literally make everything feel right in the world.

Laughter is a natural medicine; it releases endorphins in our bodies and makes us happy.  I remember my mom mentioning a friend who was receiving chemotherapy and was using laughter therapy in her recovery.  Not only is the act of laughing mentally beneficial, (lifts up your spirits and reduces stress) it is physically beneficial as well.  I’ve definitely woken up after a fun night with friends and been sore from laughing so hard.  I’m quite certain that we all need a little more laughter in our lives these days.

I can rely on my husband to give some comic relief in the middle of a frustrating situation, and I have a few girl friends who can make me laugh at the drop of a hat.  Who makes you laugh…spend more time with those people and maybe less time with the people that don’t bring any humor to the table or who drain that sparkle out of you.

If you aren’t surrounded by funny people, or have a hard time finding humor in day to day life, search for some comedians on YouTube that can knock your socks off or maybe even a podcast you can listen to on your commute or while your following your toddler around the house (insert earbuds, they’ll have no idea).

Get your laugh on this week!