When you are expecting your first child, you collect all types of books to help guide you through parenting…sleep books (I have 8,462 of these), discipline books, what to expect books etc.  Many of these books ask you to identify your child’s temperament and as a first time parent, it’s sometimes unclear where they might fit.  I’d say that I finally realized that my child was of the the spirited temperament when he was about 1 and the biting began!

Now that I am aware, I see all of the signs from the moment he was handed to me.  Mary Sheedy, the author of Raising Your Spirited Child, says it perfectly in the first paragraph of her book, “The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is more.  They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children.  All children possess these characteristics, but spirited kids possess them with a depth and range not available to other children.  Spirited kids are the Super Ball in a room full of rubber balls.  Other kids bounce three feet off the ground.  Every bounce for a spirited child hits the ceiling.”

My son is a specimen to say the least.  He is strong, loves to be outside, shoot hoops, kick balls, jump on the trampoline, and basically enjoys all things physical.  He also likes tame activities such as reading books, painting, watching cartoons, snuggling with mom and dad, and playing with his trucks.  I’d say he is well-rounded and on par to be an excellent contributor to society (toot toot).

He is  also more in every sense.  He loves more, he’s more passionate, he feels more, he’s more enthusiastic, he’s more expressive…he has more energy, his meltdowns are more intense, his tantrums are more frequent, he’s more dramatic, he’s more aggressive, he’s more frustrated, more more more.

I’ve struggled with his temperament for many reasons, but mostly because I am not spirited and I did not expect such an intense child (even though my husband is 100% spirited and it makes perfect sense).  For some reason I envisioned a quiet little boy who slept 12 hours at night by the time he was 6 weeks old, never cried, always played nicely with others, and thoroughly enjoyed independent play at an early age.  I was obviously broadsided by this spectacular little guy.

A friend of mine recommended Mary’s book and it instantly struck a cord in me.  I immediately joined the Facebook group and realized that I was not the only one struggling to keep up with my sons antics.  I finally felt validated.

Since then, I’ve been taking strides to get him assessed to make sure I am not missing anything.  Most people just say that he’ll grow out of it, it’s just a phase, he’s 2 for goodness sakes, and they might be right.  We could possibly be spending all of this time and money working on some of his spirited behaviors and he might just grow out of it on his own…but what if he doesn’t.  I’m not willing to take that chance.  I’m following my intuition and if nothing else, I am figuring out how he’s coded and learning some great tools for how to address his needs.  It’s a win win.

If you see a child in the middle of a meltdown in Target, spirited or not, offer a sympathetic smile to the caregiver, maybe even a kind remark…you have no idea how a little encouragement can make such a big impression on someone’s day. A woman came up to me one day and said, “I’ve been watching you with your son and you handle him so well.  I can tell you are a great mom.” I could have cried, little did she know I needed that compliment in a bad way that day.